Crushed!!

A poem I wrote when my brother had his first baby. It was a very hard time for me as he was born while I was recovering from my surgery to fix my uterus, and after a failed IVF. Enjoy!!



She had her baby today
A sweet little boy
Everyone’s excited
He’s a bundle of joy

I smile as I hold him
Inside the tears run down
I can’t let them see me
I don’t make a sound

My heart is broken
I feel I can’t go on
This emptiness inside of me
Is something that doesn't belong

Why am I being punished?
Humiliated, frightened & alone
Why am I suffering?
My whole life is placed on hold

I don’t have a future
I’m just a big mess
I don’t want to be around anyone
I feel to depressed

I feel hopeless, angry & sad
That this is happening to me
I am mad at the world
I want to hide under a tree

I’m reminded of baby’s everyday
At work, home & everywhere
I cannot help myself
I just sit there and stare

One thing about infertility
That forever bothers me
After thousands of dollars spent
There are still no guarantees

Nothing anyone says to me
Could ever ease the pain
And the guilt I have deep inside
Will forever drive me insane

Please don’t judge me
For being obsessed, moody and afraid
It’s only for a short while
That my happiness is delayed